do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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