please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
