There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
