she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Randomize
