i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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