I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
