I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
