I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
