You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize
