I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
