Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
