Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
