I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
