Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
