Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
