i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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