Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
the liver wants what the liver wants
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
