the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
