Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
