i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
