Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Where did you get a picture of my penis
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
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