We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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