he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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