I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Randomize
