I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
