I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
