38 yer olds are good kisserssss
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
