and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
