Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Randomize
