3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
