i may or may not be watching the land before time
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
