Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We left the knife in your bed.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
