Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
