Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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