I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
