If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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