Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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