I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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