Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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