just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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