WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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