at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
