Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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