you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
