I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
