there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
