Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
