She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
