I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
