im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
