the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
