Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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